Remembering Michael Doyle

Emails remembering Michael

Introduction
Juli has asked that these emails that she received  "Remembering Michael" be shared with the larger community.

Juli wrote: "I am slowly making my way through emails that I think merit posting on "Remembering Michael Doyle". This is such a gift in keeping his spirit alive.  I have gotten so many wonderful comments.  Thanks from the bottom of my heart."
Love, Juli

Emails and letters received

When I first met Michael I was working on San Francisco public education and he was finishing up the research and writing of a book that became a significant force in modern commerce: How to Make Meetings Work (co-authored with David Strauss). We were in the same building.
Michael was a warm, kind and generous man. 

His contribution to commerce was immense (Bio 1, Bio 2).  Few meetings in America are conducted without using the elements that Michael introduced in his book and his training company from "facilitator" to "public note taker."  It is hard for us to remember the pre-Michael Doyle era, when meetings were run on an authoritarian model, largely based on experience with Roberts Rules of Order...a legacy of Congressional political structure

Michael transformed the way businesses work and significantly enhanced the creative potential in any group by giving voice to the "seldom heard voices" that are important to group vitality. Michael worked with Arthur Anderson when the computer consulting section was out-earning the CPA section. The problem was never resolved and the competition within the company led to confused ethics and its ultimate demise in the Enron scandal. Michael was comfortable with CEOs and was effective in his role of working with top management. He spent much of his life trying to migrate his brilliant discoveries about running meetings to the meeting room computer world.

I will miss Michael and so will everyone who knew him. The world of commerce will some day honor Michael Doyle with the appreciation he deserves for a major and pervasive contribution.
Technorati Tags: Michael Doyle, award, commerce, meeting facilitation
Michael Phillips

-----------------------------------------

It is the Northwest Indian Memorial on Death.  I read it at my husband’s bed-side ceremony

   

Do not stand at my grave and weep
    I am not there, I do not sleep
    I am a thousand winds that blow
    I am the diamond glint on snow
    I am the light on ripened grain
    I am the autumn rain

    When you wake up in the morning hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush
    of birds circling in the flight
    I am the stars that shine at night!!!

    Do not stand at my grave and weep
    I am not there, I do not sleep

Love,  Betty

---------

I was shocked and saddened to hear that Michael has passed away and wanted to express my support for you.  Michael was such a wonderful man and I felt so loved and cared for in his presence. 
Ivy
---------

  "I am baffled to hear of Michael Doyle's passing away and so so very sad.  I've kept him in my loop as I've changed addresses over the years, and he has always sent me back a cheerful reply.  I'm so heart-broken to hear this news."

Samantha
-----------------------------------------

Dear Juli,
(Michael ran a multi-year visioning project in France with Leroi Merlin, a giant family owned retailer.  Their work transformed the Company.  This is a note from a colleague)

Coming back from India (I was there for a mission I dedicated to him in my heart), I wanted to tell you how Mickael was a great man for me. I'm working in Leroy Merlin and I was very closed to him during the Visionning Process. He learnt me so much that I decided last year to settle a new LM Subsidiary to developp these Visionning Processes and I met Mickael last September in SF to share with him about this project.
We had a great moment of deep understanding on so many levels ... I'm glad today to have been able to tell him that he was something like my father in the professionnal fields. He liked that and empowered me a lot ! A meanfull moment of transmission ...
Dear Juli, just know that we are several people here in France who definitively will carry something from Mickael in our life, deeply rooted by the exceptionnally generous character of this "Grand Monsieur"
As close as possible to you and all Mickael's relatives
Christophe

-----------------------------------------
I came back from South America two weeks ago to find the copy of Michael's book I had ordered on my desk.  I immediately recognized it, because it was one of the earliest books I read when I became committed to becoming a serious community relations professional.  Michael's book was incredibly important to me -- I read it until it became dog-eared
Debra

-----------------------------------------
I was so shocked and saddened to hear about Michael. Even without being in close touch, in my life, and all around us, he was such a presence or engagement, love and care. I don’t think a week went by when some idea, memory or story form him didn’t come up for me. He was a real inspiration to me, a person who I looked to in so many ways. Our time working together was very special and I have always felt fortunate to have been “picked” to be on the team. We were all making it up as we moved along, but it was wonderful. I think that I remember each and every lunch, coffee and dinner that we had together, just because there was never an encounter with Michael that was not memorable. He gave in so many ways, and to so many people, and I am very fortunate to have been one of them.  Dennis

-----------------------------------------

We now lost three of our number (Mack Davis, Dick Beckhard, and now, Michael), it makes me realize all the more how precious the bond we share is, how precious life is, and how, for Michael’s sake and our own, we should rededicate ourselves to living every moment of our lives fully and saying to those we love how we feel about them while we have the chance.
With love,
Peggy

-----------------------------------------

I will always miss Michael´s creative intelligence and sense of humour. My interaction with him represented for me a  personal encounter full of transmisson of knowledge and breadth of feelings. More than once, I enlarged my views with Michael´s description of his organizational work. More than that, our encounter was the type of experience that the participation in Synergos as Associate made possible. Once that we were chatting and joking, Michael told me: "What a change", he said, "I now enjoy exchanging views with you, while when your arrived, with your ideas and statements, I felt that you would be a real pain in the neck."  Quite soon, not only the pain was gone and we valued each other´s contributions but we also had the pleasure of interaction.
     We have lost a nice friend, a rich brain, a nice heart and a source of good humour.
Miguel

-----------------------------------------
Surely we have to take him into account when writing the history of our small struggle to develop in Cuba the modern management techniques with the help of your group.
He had in fact a great deal of involvement in the Antillana effort and success in the 80´s, and also conrtibuted to mantain the relationship and flow of information during another stage on the bad days of the blockade when taking Narbona and myself to México to show and train us in the consulting methods and techniques.
He was also a great friend and surely we will never forget his teachings, talent and friendship.
Love,  Angel

-----------------------------------------

Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.
Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.

~Rabindranath Tagore
From Cassandra

-----------------------------------------
Michael's death has affected us all and our thoughts are often with you. I got out a wonderful picture of him taken in Cuba when he engaged good old Fidel in conversation. It was taken against a brilliant background (a modern painting?) and it is perfect for Michael's wonderful and sparkling personality. I have his last letter and email and during our evening prayer I read parts of it to the Sisters. It is so precious and I will keep it with me for a long time. He was an extraordinary human being and I would so have loved to see him once more. We always connected in our vision. He said in the letter that God's name for him has been since he was 20, "The Great Designing." I read recently that the universe is neither random, or determined. It is creative and God is the Artist. That surely fits in with the Designing...I know you are having open house today. I wish I could drop by. John and family are really devastated. I was looking for that great picture of all of you in your ski gear and eventually it will turn up. We will have our own celebration of his life and death here at Carmel. He made such an impression on the Sisters...Terese and I were able to share the celebration for Ann in Cincinnati with you and we often talk about our picnic with Michael near the Golden Gate Bridge. I am happy for the wonderful years you both had together. You were so perfect for one another. Thank you, Juli, for holding me in your heart. You are certainly in mine and will always be there.

Sister Jean Alice (Cousin to Michael)

-----------------------------------------
Michael,

I heard that you are dead. I couldn't believe it and at the same time I knew that it was true. So I am sitting here, trying to write something to you, for you, about you, and I can't think where to begin. You're impossible to describe.

You are a gentle wind that blows through my life, wherever I am. You support me and you give me strength. Whenever I have an adventure or a special experience, I wish you were with me to share it. And because I wish it, you are there.

You are the man I want to be.

Do you remember one time when you were visiting me in St. Louis and I said something about the time zones and jet lag? You said "I don't do time zones. Wherever I am, that's the time I'm on." And it's true, wherever you go, you live in the moment. And now I think you are in some other moment. But I think you will read this.

The first time I met you I remember that you said "let's play together." And we did play together didn't we? We had some wonderful times and you were always an amazing host. I only wish we could have done it more. I was looking forward to seeing you in Spain this spring.

No matter what, you always made time for me, and I always felt special and blessed to be with you.

You taught me by your example, to approach everything with fearlessness, curiosity and love. You taught me "back away smiling!"

I have been trying to think of a way to honor you, and I think it is to be the person you always knew I could be, even when I did not. To believe in people and bring out the best in them. To find love always, and work with love. Above all, just to be there and to make time.

Strangely, the last words you wrote to me were "Bon Voyage!!" Bon Voyage to you Michael and a big hug. You are my brother. I love you and I miss you and I hope I will see you again. You live in my heart.

Your brother,

Dave

Meredith Beams'photos from 2/3-4 Open House

On Saturday and Sunday, February 3 and 4th, Juli Betwee held an open house for everyone who wanted to come pay respects to Michael's cremains and to tell stories about his life. Meredith Beam took some pictures that she is sharing here, for those of you who weren't able to go. There were about 20 people each day and LOTS more stories than can be reported here.

SATURDAY

Juli greeting guests. Lots of feelings.

Celebrating Michael - from Joan McIntosh

Dear Juli, and all of Us connected through the Spider Web of Relationships, Memories, Experiences, Communities.  As I have read the many postings, and emails, and imagine what must be going on in SF, I see the fragile yet so strong strands that connect us all, each intersection of time and interests forgotten until suddenly - the bright light of Michael's Passing illuminates the Whole.  The web he wove shimmers as we sense his Spirit pass by.   

When I look at Michael's hands in this photo, I remember that despite the power of his talent, the force of his will, his unwavering commitment to friends and clients, he had an amazingly light touch.  I remember how he used to stand at the front of the room, one foot on top of the other, and I was always struck at how huge and yet completely invisible he could be in the room. 

Being here in the Northern Plains, I feel at a distance from the context in which I knew Michael, and all of you.  And, on a cold winter morning, the silence of fields and farmland and strong blue sky is room enough to find down in my soul what Michael meant to me.  And be grateful.  Love to all, Joan

Jennifer Hammond Landau --"Michael believed in me!"

Well, been thinking for days about Michael, and, of all the many things I could say, what is at the core.

Michael believed in me. That is it. That was....and still is.... the magic of Michael Doyle. Believed in us each, I suspect, and by extension, the capacity of the group.

From the first Group Graphics workshop with David, Sandra and Geoff and the early years doing graphic recording, working both with Interaction’s methodology and the Sibbet & Associates Group Graphic process.....to the time Michael showed up as adjunct faculty in my MSOD program, where again I was struggling to integrate verbal and visual process, the mainstream and the cutting edge. Phenomenal support and acknowledgment from Michael to be who I was, even when I didn’t know who I was.

My last contact with Michael was probably 3 years ago, about suits for a high school production of Guys & Dolls. What a delightful, odd memory now rather than a time wheeling and dealing in a meeting room!

Michael believed in the power of the collective and the team, and yet also the individual. Contradictory and complimentary. Michael opened doors, was demanding, trusted my creativity, challenged my assumptions, was presumptuous, thought big, and showed me that the best facilitation at times breaks all the rules, even the ones written in the book.

What a life....what a legacy!

Jennifer Hammond Landau

Geoff Ball--"He was a generous man"

There might not even be a field if Michael and David hadn't pushed so hard to develop a really good system and then take it out as a business. And then Michael just went, after taking out and improving our understandings.

I saw Michael in December and was planning on talking with him again this month.

He was a generous man who gave a lot of himself to lots and lots of people.

Thanks for the other information. Jerry Talley had heard from Bill Daul and let me know. I found his obituary on the web.

All the best

Geoff

David Straus-- Truly "greater than life"

One of the tragedies of Michael’s death, for me, is the finality and impossibility of reaching closure and reconciliation. It is generally known that the ending of our partnership was fraught with anger and recrimination and, despite several attempts, we were never able to put the past to rest.

Michael and I had such a rich partnership and friendship. Michael stood in as father-of-the-bride at my wedding, juggled fire at my daughter’s birthday party, and participated in countless family outings.  We were co-explorers in the emerging fields of collaborative problem solving and non-adversarial dispute resolution. Side-by-side we built Interaction Associates and the Center for Collaborative Problem Solving. At our best, we applied complimentary skills and worked well together. At our worst, we were competitive, jealous, and petty.

So I must try to bring closure this complex relationship on my own and with mutual friends. I, too, want to remember Michael at his best - full of life and energy and creativity; capable of having four wisdom teeth pulled and then proceeding to conduct a day-long workshop; cooking three full Gourmet menus when one would have been enough. Michael was truly “greater than life” and that is how I will remember him.

David

Dennis Jaffee -- "Not a week without some memory"

Dear Juli,
I was so shocked and saddened to hear about Michael. Even without being in close touch, in my life, and all around us, he was such a presence or engagement, love and care. I don’t think a week went by when some idea, memory or story form him didn’t come up for me. He was a real inspiration to me, a person who I looked to in so many ways. Our time working together was very special and I have always felt fortunate to have been “picked” to be on the team. We were all making it up as we moved along, but it was wonderful. I think that I remember each and every lunch, coffee and dinner that we had together, just because there was never an encounter with Michael that was not memorable. He gave in so many ways, and to so many people, and I am very fortunate to have been one of them.

I look forward to sharing some time with you this Saturday, and also to keeping you in our lives as we all move forward.
With love,
Dennis

Dennis T. Jaffe, Ph.D.
764 Ashbury St.
San Francisco, CA 94117
415-665-8699
415-819-9489 (cell)
dennisjaffe.com

Kurt & Eleanor - "Going California On Us"

Michael was an engaging colleague during a week-long trip in Tuscany 10 years ago when a group of us gathered as the guest of Kathleen Crispell. He was a genial raconteur at dinner, regaling us with tales and observations resulting from his broad reading of books and newspapers. He seemed the completely sophisticated man. And then one day from the parking lot we saw two teddy bears sitting in the window, peering out. When questioned about this, he and Juli said they often traveled with those stuffed animals. When Juli and Michael had trouble communicating one with another, they used the bears to speak for them. This seemed weird to us but then we, being Midwesterners, found that California folks often did and thought things far beyond the ken of those of us who engage in linear thinking. (Juli once had a boyfriend who asked us, "Have you ever been to the other side of the sun?" And he meant it.) No matter. Juli herself had gone a little California on us, eschewing the roots that we, among only a few of her friends, know to be in Wyandotte, Michigan, where the house she grew up in still stood not long ago when we drove by. Michael's large smile and laughter had the ability to draw you to him. He seemed the kind of man who might throw his arms wide and gather everyone in his view as though magnetized. Juli was most closely held within his orbit. We were like moons, circling and observing. Still, we were glad Juli had found him for he made her happy. And that's all that counts.

Our thoughts are with you...  Eleanor

Dave Gray to Michael -- "Bon Voyage"

Michael,

I heard that you are dead. I couldn't believe it and at the same time I knew that it was true. So I am sitting here, trying to write something to you, for you, about you, and I can't think where to begin. You're impossible to describe.

You are a gentle wind that blows through my life, wherever I am. You support me and you give me strength. Whenever I have an adventure or a special experience, I wish you were with me to share it. And because I wish it, you are there.

You are the man I want to be.

Do you remember one time when you were visiting me in St. Louis and I said something about the time zones and jet lag? You said "I don't do time zones. Wherever I am, that's the time I'm on." And it's true, wherever you go, you live in the moment. And now I think you are in some other moment. But I think you will read this.

The first time I met you I remember that you said "let's play together." And we did play together didn't we? We had some wonderful times and you were always an amazing host. I only wish we could have done it more. I was looking forward to seeing you in Spain this spring.

No matter what, you always made time for me, and I always felt special and blessed to be with you.

You taught me by your example, to approach everything with fearlessness, curiousity and love. You taught me "back away smiling!"

I have been trying to think of a way to honor you, and I think it is to be the person you always knew I could be, even when I did not. To believe in people and bring out the best in them. To find love always, and work with love. Above all, just to be there and to make time.

Strangely, the last words you wrote to me were "Bon Voyage!!" Bon Voyage to you Michael and a big hug. You are my brother. I love you and I miss you and I hope I will see you again. You live in my heart.

Your brother,

Dave

--
Dave Gray
Founder and CEO
XPLANE | www.xplane.com
dgray@xplane.com

St. Andrew's visioning:Thanks for Michael's Help

Juli and Meghan,

I thought I would forward to you the comments from one of our committee members about the visioning session we held yesterday at St. Andrew's Church.  We are truly grateful for Michael's assistance and guidance to us in our process.  We had about 180 people yesterday working together. After our opening prayer and before we began the agenda that Michael had provided to us, we had a short remembrance for Michael.  As Marian expresses, we certainly felt his spirit throughout what we did and accomplished.

Regards,
Steve Kottmeier
St. Andrew's Parish